Tough

We sat down in his office. I had no idea what he was going to say. I thought it was just about research. Just like usual.

P: Egy what is your plan after master?

E: (stunned, didn’t know what to say) Like I said before, I have the intention to find a job first. I need industrial experience and actually, I have economic limitation

P: mmm, yes maybe you can work as a research assistant here. (smiling) But I am still thinking that you should take PhD. See, your work is very efficient. I can notice the student who is involved in research and student who is not.

E: (blank)

P: I can give you almost double salary than other PhD students. Also, I have the rights to choose anybody as a teaching assistant. In that case, you can be the one so your salary will increase.

E: (Oh god)

P: How about your girlfriend? She wants to study in Europe?

E: (eh?!)

P: If she is interested, I have colleagues who work at NYMU. I can introduce your girlfriend so you both can study PhD together. That will be good for you both.

E: (x_x)

P: In the future, holding PhD is pretty important. In an uncertain era like today, it will be safe if you have PhD.

E: How long typically for PhD?

P: The department requirement is just 2. Personally, it is too easy for me. But, I also don’t like if the student takes too long time here. So just in between. Because you will graduate from NCTU, if you study here you will save a lot of time.

E: Well, I have to discuss with my family Prof, and also others. I will let you know.

 

Day after that conversation I had a long discussion. I was very happy. First, I will have a job right after finish my study as a research assistant. Second, for the long-term, I will be safe because I can take PhD with lots of benefits as mentioned above. My parents were very happy. They encouraged me to do so. I thought that was how Allah guide me and grant my wish.

The time went by. I calculated again about the offer. I considered everything, short-term and long-term. I was asking myself, is this the best way?

I have to be honest. My university is very good. My laboratory is very strong. But the workload is way too heavy. 8-6 is the formal time, oftentimes he will text me at midnight to ask about the progress. It just too much. I need peace. I thought I need work-life balance although there is no such thing as a 100% work-life balance. Another opposite thought came. I do not really into the situation in the lab. Some people are too bossy. And about the salary, although he intended to double my salary it will not enough if I have a baby.

I talked to her. She said, everywhere there will be people who we don’t really like, or they don’t like us. It is not a good reason not to take it. But, if the reason is about my mental health and the workload is too heavy, she agreed.

I got no way to talk about this to my advisor. How to tell him without offending him. A lot of things come up in mind. Will I still get an offer as a research assistant? How if he rejects it? How if he gets angry?

Then I came to my colleagues. I talked about my concern. They said my advisor is a professional. Things will be okay. He will understand because it is my future. Only I can decide what I will do.

On the other hand, I am afraid I will lose the job offer.

I prayed to Allah. Talked to Him from A-Z. I knew I have nothing to lose. Fortune is in Allah’s hand. My job is to give the best what I face right now.

Friday (12/6), I went to his office.

E: Prof, about your offer, I had a discussion with my family and the answer is that I prefer to take PhD in Europe or somewhere else. This is about family matters. And about a research assistant, I will accept all your decision but to be honest I am still willing.

He said yes, no angry, no hard feelings. Unfortunately, he did not mention about research assistant. He only said I have to submit my paper because after I leave there is no one who understands my work.

After all, it was a tough decision. But I have to keep my faith in Allah. Even though it is very hard to find job with my bad Chinese speaking ability but I do believe “rezeki Allah yang atur”.